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Viral: 30 Things You Can Say to Both Your Toddler and Your Drunk Friend
Toddlers can be irritable, opinionated, self-righteous creatures…
Viral: 30 Things You Can Say to Both Your Toddler and Your Drunk Friend
Toddlers can be irritable, opinionated, self-righteous creatures. Parenting them often reminds me of taking care of a drunk friend. A drunk friend who lives with you and never leaves. Nonetheless, toddlers and irresponsible friends happen.
Here are 30 things you can say to both your toddler and your drunk friend:
- You can’t nap here. You need to go to your bed.
- We don’t eat food from strangers.
- We never touch our private parts in public.
- We pee in toilets, not in the street.
- Chew with your mouth closed.
- Keep your fingers out of your nose.
- I am not playing that song again. We have heard it 15 times. Put on your pants.
- Don’t put that in your mouth.
- It’s not nice to stare.
- Yes, those are boobies, but we don’t touch those.
- I know, couch is a funny word.
- You have to eat all your food.
- Stop looking at me like that.
- I’m going to tell your father.
- We need to use our “inside” voice.
- Please keep your hands to yourself.
- Don’t point, it’s rude.
- Please go back and wash your hands.
- Do you really think whining will get you what you want?
- Please hold my hand in the parking lot. I don’t want you to get hit by a car.
- I don’t have any more money. Please stop asking.
- I know I said you could have ice cream, but it’s too late now.
- Please don’t roll around in the grass, you are going to get your clothes dirty.
- I am not going to ask you to sit down again. SIT DOWN.
- Please don’t ask me if we’re almost there. I will tell you when we get there.
- Do you need to sit in my lap?
- I need you to use nice words.
- We don’t hit. Hitting is bad.
- Why are you holding yourself? Do you need to pee?
- I told you to sit here. Why did you leave? You have to tell me when you’re going somewhere.
Next time you have the task of taking care of a drunk friend, remember why you love them. Be patient and hold their hand. They probably won’t remember in the morning, but just like a toddler, they need your love.
Meredith is a work-from-home mother of three who writes about the inappropriate side of marriage and motherhood on her blog at That’s Inappropriate. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter.
Parents are sharing these too-real pictures.
Viral: Side-By-Side ‘Before And After’ Photos Show What Having Kids Does To You
A New York dad’s Instagram callout is showing just how much kids wear out their parents. Mike Julianelle of Dad and Buried has an Instagram account called Got Toddlered, where he posts memes and photos of “things children have ruined.”
It seems kids have ― not surprisingly ― affected his appearance. On Oct. 12, Julianelle posted a side-by-side photo collage of his face before and after having children. Admittedly, there’s a certain pale, sleep deprived quality that may look familiar to parents.
Julianelle, who has a 7-year-old and an almost 2-year-old, told HuffPost that after he posted the photo, one of his followers messaged him to say she loved it and suggested he ask for submissions from other parents.
“I’ve gotten a lot more of these than I did of the typical ‘my toddler destroyed something’ memes I was previously receiving! Probably because taking a photo of something your kids destroyed is less of a priority than cleaning it up,” the dad explained. “And it’s much easier to clean a mess than it is to fix your own face!”
Indeed, Julianelle has posted at least a dozen “before and after children” photos. “I think they show the toll kids take on parents,” he said.
“Obviously, it’s meant to be lighthearted, and no one is seriously blaming their children for the state of their faces or lives, except for me when I seriously blame my kids for the state of my face and my life, which is basically all I do on my blog and Facebook page and Twitter,” he joked.
Julianelle told HuffPost he hopes these photos make other parents laugh and realize they aren’t alone in sometimes feeling “overwhelmed by this parenting thing.”
“My blog and everything else have always been about the fact that it’s okay to be honest about the pitfalls of parenthood,” said the dad. “There’s no shame in admitting that for all the peaks, there are plenty of pits. Kids are the worst best thing that’s ever happened to us and if we don’t laugh about the havoc they wreak we’d have to cry instead and I’m not a crier.”
@gottoddlered:
@gottoddlered:
@gottoddlered:
@gottoddlered:
@gottoddlered:
@gottoddlered:
H/T The Stir
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