7 Ways that Women Who Were Unloved as Children Struggle in Their Adult Lives

Keep Reading ↓

The way in which we were nurtured and raised as a child may have a significant impact on how we handle life as an adult.

7 Ways that Women Who Were Unloved as Children Struggle in Their Adult Lives

Our childhood experiences help shaping our understanding of the world, and how we are expected to act and react to it. It is the job of our parents to teach, guide us and set a positive example.

Authors and experts on childhood development Judith R. Schore and Alan N. Schore wrote, “Attachment experiences shape the early organization of the right brain, the neurobiological core of the human unconsciousness.” It is this part of our brain that is responsible for processing through, as well as storing memories that work both to shape how we would view emotional events as well as the feelings that they would evoke.

For a child whose upbringing was one of love, trust, and reliability, these memories help to teach them the value of caring for those around them. They foster feelings of loyalty, protection, and compassion, shaping us into adults that exhibit a high level of both mental and emotional health. Taking the lessons that they learned throughout childhood and the examples it set, they allow it to shape the way that they view the world around them.

On the other hand, children who are raised without these examples, feeling unloved, criticized or judged, create a different understanding of their family, and as such a different grasp on the ways of the world. Essentially, they see the world through a different, altered lens.

In their book ‘A General Theory of Love,’ Thomas Lewis and his co-authors explained this impact, saying “The mental machinery does not evaluate; it cannot detect whether the larger world runs in accordance with the scheme it has drawn from the emotional microcosm of a family.”

This experience of growing up feeling unloved causes these individuals to struggle in these 7 ways:

1. They accept surface level affection in place of true love.

A child has a deep seeded desire to be loved and appreciated. They look to their parents for feelings of caring, compassion, and affection. If a child grows up missing this vital piece of the puzzle they will find themselves as adults attempting to fill the void in their life. Rather than understanding the value of real love in their lives, they settle for surface level affection, entering toxic relationships with no regard for what else might actually be available to them.

2. They constantly feel guilty in life.

Often in these toxic homes, parents make comments to their children that insinuate that they should be grateful to have a roof over their head and food on their plate. They grow up feeling like they are a burden on their parents, and develop feelings of guilt anytime they think about their needs in life. This translates into their adult life. For example, they may feel guilty that their partner does something nice for them because they believe that they don’t deserve it.

3. They view the world around them as inherently unsafe.

As a child, your feelings of safety and security came from your parents creating that environment in the family home. Doing so allows children to realize that there are people and situations that they can trust, and they begin to develop the ability to differentiate between those that are and those that aren’t ‘safe.’ Without this feeling of safety, a child would grow into an adult who believes that everything is unsafe and no one is worthy of their trust.

4. They have difficulty understanding boundaries.

When a child is denied the love and affection that they crave for, they will often look for it elsewhere as they grow up and are in contact with other adults in life. They begin to overcompensate as adults, believing that an abundance of love, attention, and affection is the key to demonstrating the love that they were lacking as a child. While it is well-intentioned, they struggle to understand that even their partner will need space from time to time.

5. They constantly question whether the people in their life really love them.
Growing up in a home that lacks love and compassion, these individuals grow up accepting that a toxic, distant relationship like the one that they have with their parents is normal. When they find themselves in a relationship as an adult that breaks that pattern, they couldn’t help but question whether it is actually real, or if they are just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

6. They struggle to ‘let anyone in.’

Children learn the foundation of relationship development through watching the adults in their life. They witness how their parents react to each another, as well as how they interact with others outside of the family unit as early as infants. Eventually, as they grow older, they start to mirror this activity learning first hand. When a child is missing this example of a positive relationship and doesn’t experience the feeling of connection first hand, they grow up distancing themselves from everyone in their life.

7. They often feel excluded in social settings due to their low self-esteem.

When children grow up constantly being scrutinized, judged and criticized they will begin to learn that nothing that they do will ever be ‘good enough.’ This carries over into their adult lives, leaving them feeling as though everyone is judging them at all times. They often fail to take part in group settings for fear of being rejected, however, in doing so they feel excluded from the activities the group is taking part in. There may not even be any basis for these feelings, the group may not have said anything negative or have any negative views, but the feelings are so deeply rooted that they are unable to see past them.

A 10-month operation by an Australian police anti-pedophile taskforce put an end to a global ‘dark net’ of child abusers that had over 45,000 members

Global Pedophile ‘Dark Net’ Bulletin Board Busted From Australia

An Australian administering a pedophile ‘bulletin board’ was sentenced to 35 years in jail for child abuse.

Queensland’s Taskforce Argos targeting child abuse disclosed a clandestine pedophile ring, saving potentially hundreds of children from sexual exploitation, reported the Australian Broadcasting Corporation (ABC).

Members of the ring residing in Australia, Europe, United Kingdom and the US ranked inside the network in accordance with the quantity and originality of materials they uploaded for common use inside the site. The name of the network, using encryption software to hide identities and mask people’s browsing history, had not been publicly disclosed by the South Australian District Court.

Investigation of a global child abuse led Argos to Australian national ringleader, who turned out to be Families SA (South Australia) employee Shannon McCoole from Adelaide. He was a childcare worker with the agency from 2011 to 2014.

McCoole was busted thanks to the unusual ‘hiya’ greeting he used on the web, which led to police finding a Facebook page with a photograph of a Volkswagen four-wheel drive utility with a visible registration plate, which in turn led them to McCoole.

“He was a 32-year-old male. Lived alone, no real relationship or no recent partners from what we’ve gathered”

reported the ABC cited Detective Brevet Sergeant Stephen Hegarty of SA’s Sex Crimes Investigation Branch. And the man “immersed himself in child-related work” as well.
After four days of surveillance, the police knocked at McCoole’s door and arrested the suspect. The jackpot was found on his computer, which stored over 50,000 child pornographies.
Metadata on McCoole’s camera was also used as evidence, as well as a freckle on his finger which matched one of the child abuse images discovered by Danish police in May last year that initiated the actual criminal proceedings in Australia.

Once McCoole was taken out of the game, police officers replaced the administrator in the pedophile ring and began the second stage of the operation, working 24-hours a day to expose as many pedophiles around the world as possible.

“Phase two was to take over the network, assume control of the network, try to identify as many of the key administrators as we could and remove them,” told Detective Inspector Jon Rouse to ABC.

“This wasn’t an 8am-4pm, Monday-to-Friday operation. Even when the guys knocked off work we were all communicating outside work” Rouse said.

“Ultimately, you had a child sex offender network that was being administered by police” he added, stressing that the first thing done was closing membership of the board.
This stage lasted for a whole of 10 months and resulted in the identification of pedophiles in at least three Australian states, Queensland, South Australia and Victoria, together with criminals in other countries.

“US, Europe, United Kingdom. [It was] global,” said Rouse.
“This required us engaging with those targets in real time while law enforcement went through doors. [There were] time zone challenges, but good work by authorities across the world” the ABC cited Rouse.

In August 2015, Shannon McCoole was proven to have sexually abused at least seven children in his care, aged between 18 months and three years, taking pictures and sharing them over the web.
McCoole pleaded guilty to 20 state and commonwealth charges relating to sex with children and child pornography, and was sentenced to 35 years in prison.

Initially Judge Paul Rice, who described McCoole as having “no moral compass” and being “evil and depraved” had set a 65-year punishment. McCoole’s non-parole period has been set at 28 years.
The court heard McCoole, who reportedly came from a good family, told the court it was “hard to explain or understand how I committed these crimes.”

“I have researched why the hell I am the way I am and I just don’t know,” told McCoole to the court, adding that he had never been sexually abused himself.
To avoid anything similar from ever happening again, certain measures have been taken, Education Department Chief Executive Tony Harrison informed the ABC.

“We have tightened the recruitment and screening process for prospective staff and strengthened oversight of residential care facilities” he said.

“Candidates for residential care positions now undergo a comprehensive psychological assessment process during recruitment, which includes a face-to-face interview with a registered psychologist.”