A question was recently posed to Parents on Quora – “What is the most poignant moment you’ve had as a parent?”
A number of parents commented and of course each one of them shared a different experience. Regardless of the answers, there were however certain themes which stood out – and as a parent, I could definitely relate to each of them:
#1 Gratitude
Paul Cortez shared his grateful moment with his adopted son. He commented by saying
There’s no way I could narrow it down to one, but the most recent one that stands out to me was a couple of months ago and involved my recently-adopted 9-year-old son. It was right after winter came on in earnest, and we were at our cabin in the mountains a little ways from town. We got the fireplace going and were just settling in to watch a DVD. Right when the movie was starting he spoke up and said, “All the time I was waiting to be adopted, this is the thing I wanted to do most. Just sit in a cozy room with a fireplace and my family and watch a movie.”
Such a routine thing, you know. Something so many families just take for granted or do without ascribing any extra value, yet given his background and all the crappiness therein, it was the most precious thing he aspired to do…
#2 Empathy
John Jones told a story about his little boy which displays just how empathetic children actually are.
For me it was about about 4.25 in the afternoon of February 15th 2003. My son was 7 years old. War was looming and I was going off to a demonstration in London. My son had asked me were I was going and I explained that ‘the government’ was wanting to start a war which I did not think was necessary and that many young children would die or get badly sick and injured all because some rich people wanted to be even richer . So I felt I had to do the right thing and join with other people who did not want this to happen. Then he had to go as well he said. Emphatically. Which meant my wife felt she had to go as well. So off the three of us went for a few hours. Now anyway this was February and after about 3.30 in the afternoon the wind was picking up and the temperature was dropping. By 4.20 it was freezing , we were hungry and my wife decided that enough was enough. My son was starting to shiver even with his jumper and my coat which I had draped him in. My wife called him down from a ledge on which he was sitting but he hesitated a bit before asking ‘ Dad , if we stay a bit more will we be able to save some more children ?’.
There was no way in hell that I was going to let him know that nothing we or any and all of the other nearly a million people there that day could do that would make a blind bit of difference. There was no way in which I could explain to him that once rich and powerful people smell the chance for more of the same that little people like us can do little to stop them. That this is really all about a shout at at the devil and not much else. ‘Ok son we will stay for ten more minutes’ I said.
So anyway after another ten minutes his mother – who was also cold tired and hungry – adopted the ‘she who MUST be obeyed’ tone ordering my son down from the ledge he was sitting on. Huddled in a hugely over sized jacket and shivering slightly he did something he had never done before. Risking the wrath of an angry mother he calmly and earnestly replied ‘Mom we HAVE to save more children’. Just in time to prevent a domestic embarrasment in a public place I told him that the demonstration was over and we had to go home. ‘Who said ?’ he asked. ‘It the law son they have told us all to go home’. ‘Who is they ?’ ‘The government son’
Shuffling off the ledge the last thing he muttered was ‘F***king stupid govmint’ . That was the only time I have let him get away with using that sort of language in front of his mother.
Remembering this episode has often brought back the stirrings of a tear and a smile together. Even through his teenage years when at times I could have happily had him put in the stocks.
#3 Love and Acceptance
My two kids fight over their toys all the time, but I sometimes don’t take note of all the special moments where they do actually love and care for each other. This comment from Hninzi Lwin really struck a cord with me.
My son was 6 and my daughter was 5.One morning my son woke up with a fever. I told him , ” you are not going to school today ,Honey”. His answer,” but mommy, who’s going to hold the door for Rachel?”That was his immediate response .He would always hold the heavy glass doors at the school for his sister.I barely even noticed,But it was an important duty for him.That was when I appreciated the unquestioning love and acceptance by an older sibling of a younger sibling, foisted on them unwarned (he was too young) and unexpected.
#4 Tragedy
An aunt also commented on the post and shared a story about the impact of a few words that her nephew said to her when her Mom was on her deathbed:
My mother had been in the ICU for three weeks, and going by various signs and her condition, we were preparing to watch her go. On her last night (just last month), at around 11.30pm, we decided to get dinner (instant noodles) at 7/11 on the first floor of the hospital.
I’d finished mine, and sat down next to my 9-year-old nephew. He said, “You go up first.” I asked why. He said, “I eat very slowly. What if it is too late?”
I immediately picked up my bag and went up. Just as I walked towards the usually-locked door, it opened automatically with the nurse in charge of my mom walking towards me. She was coming to the lounge outside of the ICU to look for us.
I started ringing my family. When I was in my mom’s room, I watched her heartbeat slow to 0 as I said, “Mom, I’m here. Everyone is here (in the hospital), and on their way here.” Her heart rate started picking up, and as my family reached the room, her heartrate was back to 8 or 12, and then it slowed again.
I am glad that because of my nephew, I was there in time to let her know all of us were there, and she could linger on just a little longer to have all of us in the room. That would have been the way she would have wanted.
I just want to say here, in the language she can understand, 媽，我們愛你。Mom, we love you.
#5 Humour
Kids say it like it is and that can be funny sometimes but it can also leave us speechless at times. Bec Bellany, a father of two, shared one of these moments.
My son was about 4. It was February and I was driving him to his day care. He had had eggs for breakfast that morning.
Jr: Dad, where do eggs come from?
Me: From chicken.
Jr: Did the chicken give away the eggs for us to eat?
Me (slightly stumped): No dear. The chicken farmers collect the eggs after the hens have laid them. Then they are sold to the store from where we buy them.
Jr: Do the chicken know we are stealing their eggs?
Me: Probably.
Jr: Why do we have to eat their kids?
Me: To survive, we need to eat.
Jr (sad and angry at the same time): Would you be alright if somebody stole me and ate me?Been 3 years and I haven’t eaten meat/fish since that day. He forgot about it and he eats eggs and meat now, but I can’t anymore. That memory will forever be etched in my mind.