Elizabeth Weil has written a thought-provoking piece about raising her teenage daughter Hannah. Weil has gone through various aspects of her daughter’s life and personality and the changes she sees in her daughter now compared to how she herself was as a teenager.
Do you have teenage children? If so do you believe there is a link between the behavior of a 2 or 3-year-old to that of a teenager? Weil says that “there’s always someone with older kids who tells you that having a toddler is just like having a teen.” However, she says that you don’t believe them because “it’s really not OK, when you have a toddler, to think that it doesn’t get easier.”
Image from Pinterest
A quick google of the infamous term “terrible twos” says that “The terrible twos is a normal stage in which toddlers begin to struggle between their reliance on adults and their desire for independence. One minute your child might be clinging to you, and the next he or she is running in the opposite direction,” according to mayoclinic.org.
I guess if you have a teenager in the house you could argue that such behaviors are similar. Teenagers are always vying for their independence yet they still need their reliance on their parents to survive for a few more years.
Image from Shutterstock
Weil describes her daughter as a toddler saying that as a child she was capable of getting hurt or into mischief by just sitting on a kitchen stool. “The job as a parent of a young kid is risk management. It’s exhausting but not complicated,” she says. “But then your kid starts doing it again, a dozen years later, making forays into independence, pursuing near-death experiences, throwing tantrums at horrible times,” she adds, making the comparison between toddlers and teenagers.
Despite the arguable similarities between the behaviors of a toddler and a teenager, as a parent of a teenager, your goals and responsibilities change somewhat. “The goal, now, is not just to keep your child alive (though there is that, too) but to steer your child through the hormonal hell-waters of adolescence onto the firm shores of adulthood where, with luck, your child won’t be an idiot or an ass,” Weil explains.
Most parents will know that raising a child is difficult; raising a teenager can be even harder. As a parent, you constantly worry about your children, regardless of their age. But teenagers can often find themselves in situations that you would never ever consider in regards to two-year-old.
Weil recalls a painful memory she had with Hannah when she watched Hannah become aware of the dangers in the world. The pair went to a screening of a documentary called Audrie & Daisy. “It’s a terrifying film about sexual assault in high school,” Weil explains; where 15-year-old Audrie and 14-year-old Daisy are raped on separate occasions.
Image from theknockturnal.com
“Watching these stories unfold beside my daughter was excruciating. I doubted myself the whole time. I wanted Hannah to be aware, even scared, of the dangers in the world, but I did not want her to be traumatized,” she writes. It was then that Weil had the sudden realization, “I’m sorry we’ve reached the point in life where I have to tell you the ghastly things that happen to girls?”
Tackling difficult subjects with our children is always hard and you only hope you can wait until a child is a teenager before having to explain the dangers of rape or the subject of sex in general. “I worry about Hannah getting hit by a bus. I worry about Hannah feeling alone. But when I consider what truly worries me, I worry about her getting hurt through sex,” she admits.
Weil admits that she had no idea who she was as a teenager; she followed rules, was fortunate enough not to experience a lot of pain and admits “my life was generally pretty lame.” But when she looks at her teenage daughter she can see that “she is everything.”
Image from AZ Quotes
“Hannah is the most competent person in our house, and she’s a puddle,” her mother says. “I want to say: I’ll give you all I’ve got, but I wasn’t that great at being a teenager, and I’m a pretty flawed adult, too.”
Parents will always be scared for their children, and they will always strive to give children the best they possibly can. Elizabeth Weil might feel like she is struggling as a parent, but she knows her daughter is “way tougher mentally” than she claims she ever was.
In my personal opinion, that’s down to good parenting, so I think she can go easy on herself.
SaveSave