The Problem With Asking Women To Say ‘Me Too’

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The pressure should be on men to stop predatory behavior.

The Problem With Asking Women To Say ‘Me Too’

Facebook timelines have been filled with the status “Me too” since Sunday night in an attempt to prove how widespread sexual harassment and assault are in our culture.
One of my friends wrote “Do I start with the man in the car on the Parkway who masturbated and made kissing faces at the junior high tennis team on the way home from a match?”
“The man, when I was in a dance club with my housemates, looked me in the eye and ran his hand down the front of me and grabbed at my pussy,” wrote another.

The effect is an exhausting cascade of predatory actions that tell women what they already knew: men consider our bodies disposable. “Me too” went viral on Sunday, after the actress Alyssa Milano tweeted that victims of sexual harassment and assault should use the phrase to come forward with their stories.

Of course the social media campaign was intended as a wake-up call for men. If every woman you know has been harassed or assaulted, then every man you know has likely made a woman feel unsafe. But while posting “Me too” on Facebook may be cathartic for women seeking solace in the wake of yet another news story involving a powerful predator, little change shall it do to the male behavior leading to these accusations.

Men don’t need to understand that every woman has been sexually demeaned or violated. What they need to acknowledge is a much more basic thing: in these stories, women are the victims.
Women can turn the whole internet into a list of “Me too,” but no difference would occur until men ― all men ― acknowledge how they perpetuate misogyny and commit to making a change.
There is a long history of men silencing or discounting women speaking up about sexual violence. Even in our most powerful institutions, victim-blaming happens all the time, with the police dismissing a vast number of rape reports before even investigating them and the judges who find alleged perpetrators “not guilty” because a woman should “keep her knees together” or because even “a drunk can consent.”

In the recent Stanford rape case, Brock Turner was sentenced to only six months in jail ― which was then reduced to three months ― because there would be a “severe impact” on his life should there be a longer sentence, as if the primary concern should be the culprit’s own wellbeing. The message women are constantly being sent is to suck the traumatic experiences up because they themselves are to blame. If we want men to respect our bodies, we need to change.

Guys are rarely told to change their own predatory behavior. Conversations of sexual harassment and assault are always framed as a “women’s issue.” Men’s publications are full of tips about how to choose the best whiskey or grill a steak, but rarely misogyny, sexual assault or how to confront a sexist friend are addressed. Studies frame data in terms of the number of women who were assaulted, rather than the number of men who have committed sexual violence.

This led to the result as a culture where men think they have no responsibility to change their own sexist attitudes and illicit behaviors. Guys stand by idly at bars while their friends make degrading comments regarding women and fail to intervene when jokes actually turn into sexual assault.
When sexual violence allegations hit the news, men don’t have conversations with one another about how they can help to fix the problem. It’s always the women who have to do the talking among themselves and publicly, starting hashtags (#MyHarveyWeinstein), writing Facebook posts and making lists of countless horror stories in an attempt to shake men into action. As if spending our lives being constantly harassed and violated by men was not enough; we also have to explain to these men why their behavior is problematic and, often, illegal.

The whole internet can turn into a list of “Me too,” but it won’t make a difference until men ― all men ― acknowledge how they perpetuate misogyny and commit to making a change. Men need to recognize how failing to call out “locker room talk” enables sexual assault. More organizations and publications should focus on progressive masculinity rather than outdated and dangerous stereotypes about what constitutes “manliness.” And men need to start a “Me too” Facebook campaign that lists a time they caught themselves being sexist, and states how they are committed to changing that attitude going forward.

However, there are signs of hope. Last night a friend asked men on Facebook to list “one tangible action you will take to end rape culture” and her post has 54 comments that include “I’ll speak up in places [where] I have privilege and power” and “Listen instead of becoming defensive.” In response to the “Me too” campaign, men are posting “I believe you”. These are steps in a very good direction.

If “Me too” makes you feel empowered, by all means, type those words. But it’s also important to recognize the limitations of the campaign. No woman should ever feel pressure telling painful stories of being violated, but every man should feel responsible to stop behavior leading to sexual harassment and assault.

A new study has surprised the researchers by uncovering that it is parents with four or more kids who are happiest. Bet you’re thinking the perfect number is two, or maybe even none. Nope, you’re way off. Rebel chats to some big-family matriarchs to see if this is really the case.

Parents With Four Or More Kids Are The Happiest, According To Research

Dr. Bronwyn Harman, of the psychology and social science school at Edith Cowan University, spent five years studying what types of families are the happiest, and the results surprised even her.

The happiest parents are – “drumroll, please” – parents with four or more children. Weird, isn’t it? Let’s look at why having more kids make you happier?

It is pointed out by the research that the efforts spent into growing the family directly related to parental happiness.
Dr. Harman said “[The parents] usually say they always wanted a large family, it was planned that way, and it was a lifestyle they’d chosen”.

The findings are based on resilience, social support, self-esteem and life satisfaction. Knowing a couple of families with a truckload of kids, like me, I can see how things work out.
– Resilience: There is simply no time for pandering to silliness when there are so many kids to wrangle;
– Social support: Strength in numbers, when you have a large family, you also have yourselves a mini-community;
– Self-esteem: There is a certain self-esteem coming from kids with large families. It could be the fact that they are brave enough to try new things, because they would get left behind if they don’t.

Having those three things functioning well in your everyday life provides the life satisfaction without too much effort, really. Five kids is a winning number for the Harbord family.
Heidi and Paul have five gorgeous children and would not change a thing.
“Yep, I would believe that research, damn straight we are happy.” Heidi stated. “We are each other’s entertainment, honestly, there is never a dull moment!”
Heidi and Paul are a parenting team to be reckoned with, and good friend of mine, and they are nailing this gig. The parents are happy, kids are happy and the happiness fills the air Ranch Harbord.

The foundation of their success as a family is simply love and respect. Heidi and Paul adore each other, trusting each other and have each other’s backs – and the kids know and feel it, too. It’s a beautiful thing everyone the family respects each other, the children have each other’s backs in the same way their parents do.
Of course, life with five kids may go wild sometimes – but Heidi and Paul embrace that wildness and only tame it when it is required.
“You have to pick your battles, the kids know there are boundaries, and of course they push, but we can’t nag about every little thing or we’d be nagging all day.” Heidi explained. ” When you have so many kids, you just have to get on with things.”

She further explained “Being so busy means there is simply no time to sweat the small stuff, and when you aren’t worrying about small insignificant stuff, of course it makes sense that you’ll be happier”.

As for the kids “There is also no time to indulge the nonsense,” said Heidi. And I completely understand what she was saying – the Harbord children are amazingly resilient. Their kind of confidence can only come from being brave enough to try everything. And they do – even the youngest don’t let their age or size limit them, you can bet that they are riding horses, motorbikes, climbing, holding snakes … if everyone else is doing the same!
“If you don’t keep up you get left behind,” Heidi explained.

Are there any downsides? Things must not be good all of the time, right?

“The price!” Heidi pointed out. “Indulging in fun things like going to theme parks, travelling, eating out, etc., it gets pretty costly when you have so many bums on seats”.
Another beautiful mamma of five, Mary Gorgens, agrees. “Financially it can be tough, but we live a lifestyle that affords us having a larger family. Not over indulgent or fancy but still able to give them their needs and wants when we can afford it” She said, “We have a mortgage and all the bills, etc. but we live happily with what we have and the kids know no different”.
She continued “Time pressures are probably the other thing. Sometimes you feel like you may not be giving them all equal attention but we try to fit in one-on-one time with each of them at different times. There’s a happiness in knowing that they seem to get this is our life and love it because it’s their home and happy place. And have each other.”
Dr Harman’s research showed that although there might be more chaos and expenses in larger families in comparison to smaller ones, things are balanced by the amount of joy received from having more children.

So what is the secret behind all this?
Mary says that consistency is the key for keeping the wheels turning at their place.
She said “Each family probably has their own ways and we always joke we do things differently to a lot of others”.
“We kind of beat to our own drum. But it works for us. Simon and I both try to be on the same page and help each other to get through each day with our sanity somewhat still in check. Sometimes it goes to hell but I think no matter what, the kids just want to know they are loved and protected, so even if things didn’t go perfectly well that day, they go to bed knowing all is well and we try again tomorrow.”