Divorce is often a tumultuous time for both the children and the parents, but it’s not unusual for the parents to be happy about the divorce…and the kids not to be. The fact is children don’t decide to be born and they don’t decide for their parents to divorce either. They have little control over their worlds, post-divorce. This means as coparents, the two of you need to actively and continuously work on how the two of you get along for the children’s sake.
A Photo
It seems like a silly or slight gesture but, as coparents, doing things to help children feel loved by both parents is a must. Leaving a photo of dad or mom in both of your homes, even if out of sight and only viewable to the child, is a great way to give kids comfort when they are away from a particular coparent. There’s a family photo for my daughter to view in our home, and she recently asked for one of her and daddy in her room. It’s not too much to ask fellow coparents!
Adult Discussions For the Adults
Your kids don’t need to hear any fighting. They already most likely dealt with it enough when you two were married. Keep any and all adult conversations for private conversations out of your kid’s earshot, email or text messages. Little children don’t need to bear adult problems– and the same goes for adult children and teenagers.
Quiet, Grandma
It’s mandatory that no one on either side of the family speaks poorly about either coparent in front of the kids. As coparents, you need to speak to all family and friends that even if dad or mom is an absolute jerk, none of this is to be repeated in front of your kids.
Encouragement
When your children go to visit the other coparent, be encouraging! This means telling them how excited you are they get to see mom or dad, and that you’re looking forward to hearing all about their time when they get back. Obviously if a coparent is not stable or is harmful to the kids, the situation is rather different. But, if your former partner is good to the kids, it’s all that matters. Let the children love both parents!